Stephen Colbert schools Jonathan Safran Foer on happy meat animals.

February 17th, 2010 by

Stephen Colbert of THE COLBERT REPORT

Admittedly, this is rather old news, but Jonathan Safran Foer appeared on The Colbert Report last Monday in order to discuss – what else? – Eating Animals.

[Initially, I was going to group Foer’s interview with those of Claire Danes and John Durant in one big “(happy) meat peddlers” video roundup, but the Foer and Danes interviews proved a pleasant surprise – and not because of the guests! – so a dedicated post for everyone! Except for you, Durant. You’re kind of a douche, and you make this galactosemic lady feel a bit like one, too. (It’s not the same as lactose intolerance, but it’s close enough.) But anyway, that’s the backstory behind my procrastination. End: digression.]

The interview was about as frustrating as I expected on Foer’s end, e.g.,

* “I wouldn’t necessarily say you should become a vegetarian […] I would say you should eat less meat.”

* [When asked if he would eat a hot dog] “Maybe the hot dogs they made 50 years ago.” (as opposed to those produced today)

To his credit, Foer does manage to stay on message and squeeze in a number of pertinent facts re: animal agriculture, however, in downplaying the need for vegetarianism, he negates whatever points he may have scored with the audience. (i.e., if animal cruelty is wrong, and even “happy meat” products are cruel…go vegetarian on Mondays after 6 PM? Say what now?)

And veganism? Fuhgeddaboudit! The word “vegan” was not uttered once during the entire 5+ minute interview.

Luckily, in his quest to be the most ridiculous caricature of a self-delusional meat-eater he could be, Colbert provided some of the more trenchant quips in the exchange. To wit:

* “I pay the top dollar for my free-range chicken and my cage-free veal and my non-hormone beef and my un-clubbed seal meat. What more do you want?!”

* [When told by Foer that free-range and similar labeling is “BS”] “No, free-range means that the chickens get up in the morning and they run over fields. Fields of flowers! And then at the end of the day they make love, and from this lovemaking one single egg emerges. And then – shhhhh! – when they’re asleep, cuddling with each other, a little pillow talk, the farmer comes in and takes the one egg – making sure that it’s not fertilized! – and puts it under a lamp. And then he coddles it, and he puts it, and he…air, through a jet, and it comes…to the supermarket.”

Genius! And to think, Jon Stewart gets the lion’s share of liberal media love. Sniff.

Anyhow, I was unable to find a full transcript online, but I have embedded the video below. Enjoy, but be forewarned: Colbert ends the interview with a plate of bacon. Probably he’s mocking the many recent bacon trends, but it’s a gross display nonetheless. (I can tolerate your Catholicism, Stephen, but if we’re ever to be married, you’ve got to give up the sentient stuff.)



Videos in this post

The Colbert Report – Monday, February 8, 2010 – Jonathan Safran Foer
Jonathan Safran Foer says the U.S. farm system is perfectly antithetical to American values. (05:22)

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One Response to “Stephen Colbert schools Jonathan Safran Foer on happy meat animals.”

  1. Stephen Colbert on Temple Grandin : “It’s really a pro-business story.” » POP! goes The Vegan. Says:

    […] reason. (Which is no small feat for a fangirl of my caliber, I tell you what!) Happily, as with the Foer interview, I was pleasantly surprised by Stephen’s treatment of the subject […]

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